Abusive Relationship & BPD

mukadimah? tade

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DOES THE PERSON YOU LOVE :

constantly keep track of your time?

act jealous and possessive?

accuse you of being unfaithful or flirting?

discourage your relationship with friends and family?

prevent or discourage you from working, interacting with friends or attending school?

constantly criticize or belittle you?

control all finance and force you to account for what you spend?

humiliate you in front of others?

destroy or take your personal property or sentimental items?

have affairs?

threaten to hurt you, your children or pets?

threaten to use weapons?

push, hit. slap, punch, kick, or bite you or your children? (or your pets, maybe?)

force you to have sex against your will, or demand sexual acts you are uncomfortable with?

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ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIPS

are characterized by

extreme jealousy ~ emotional withholding ~ lack of intimacy ~ raging ~ sexual coercion ~ infidelity ~ verbal abuse ~ threats ~ lies ~ broken promises ~ physical violence ~ power plays ~ control games

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BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER (BPD)

what is BPD?

a form of mental illness that is often found in survivors of childhood sexual, physical and emotional abuse

types of emotional/physical/verbal abuse common in people with BPD:

1. DOMINATION / CONTROL : They must have their own way, and will resort to manipulation, emotional blackmail,episodes of raging or physical threats to get it. For their partner this creates constant anxiety, fear, erodes self esteem and creates a climate of resentment.

2. VERBAL ASSAULT : Berating, belittling, criticizing, name calling, screaming, threatening, shaming, excessive blaming, and using sarcasm and humiliation, making fun of the partner in front of others.

3. ABUSIVE EXPECTATIONS : People with BPD expect that relationships will ease the chronic emptiness they feel, and can become resentful and enraged when the relationship fails to meet their every need.

4. HARASSMENT / STALKING BEHAVIOUR : Partners of people with BPD frequently report that the person with BPD will telephone them 10 -15 times daily to reassure themselves that the partner is still there and still loves them. If the partner is busy or unavailable the person with BPD may become enraged.

5. EMOTIONAL BLACKMAIL / MANIPULATION : This may include physical threats, withholding affection (the "cold shoulder"), harassment, stalking behaviors, threatening phone messages / email, or use of other threats and / or fear tactics to control the partner.

6. COMPULSION TO VIOLATE BOUNDARIES : Unconsciously seek out partners who have difficulty enforcing their boundaries or expressing their anger. This drains the partners energy, makes them feel under constant attack and erodes self-esteem.

7. UNPREDICTABLE RESPONSES : Drastic mood changes or sudden emotional outbursts. This is exhausting and wears down the partner's energy and self esteem.

8. CYLCLING BETWEEN NEED AND RAGE : Unsettling for their partners because you never know what to expect at a given time.

9. GASLIGHTING : The person with BP will deny your reality and undermine and devalue your perceptions. They will frequently deny that events occurred, lie about their actions and behavior, or deny that they said or did certain things.

10. CONSTANT CHAOS / CRISIS MAKING : They may deliberately start arguments for the sake of excitement. Simple problems or issues are frequently blow out of proportion to crisis status.

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YOU MAY BE IN AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP IF HE OR SHE :

• is jealous or possessive toward you
• tries to control you by being very bossy or demanding
• tries to isolate you by demanding you cutt of social contacts and friendships
• is violent and / or loses his / her temper quickly
• pressures lyou sexually, demands sexual activities you are not comfortable with
• abuses drugs or alcohol
• claims you are responsible for his / her emotional state
• blames you when he / she mistreats you
• has a history of bad relationships
• your family & friends have warned you about the person or told you that they are concerned for your safety or emotional well being
• you frequently worry about how he / she will react to things you say or do
• makes "jokes" that shames, humiliate, demean or embarrass you, privately or around family and friends
• grew up witnessing an abusie parental relationship, and / or was abused as a child
• rages when they feel hurt, shame, fear or loss of control
• both parties in busive relationships may develop or progress in drug or alcohol dependence in a dysfunctional attempt to cope with the pain
• you leave and then return to your partner repeatedly, against the advice of your friends, family and loved ones
• you have trouble ending the relationship, even though you know it is the right thing to do

Source: Click here.

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WHAT SHOULD YOU DO?

seek help here

or here

or here

or pepandai la pikir sendri apa nk buat~