What am I Doing with My Life?

hey~ hope you guys are doing good yesterday and today because its theeee

weekend!

yeay!

and i am just here watching Jap-Higa all day

and night

because my parents arent here

so theres no one to nag at me for just staring at my new laptop

ooh~ i bought new cheap laptop!

well i did not just sit and stare at my laptop all day.

i cooked for myself!

which is quite not me because i am lazy and i hate to cook but i was too lazy to go out and get something for myself and last week i already ate dominic dominos and pizzahut so i get bored of pizzas and all of the foods on deliveries so i cook

instant noodles...

with egg.

which i had just done eating just now.

i also made fried rice which was enough to feed myself yesterday for breakfast and dinner, and also today for breakfast...

with egg.

i did laundries!

just hung the ones done this morning. Malaysia is very hot so my family do not have dryers.

my parents house in Putrajaya have 3 floors and i swept the dust away on the first floor;

yesterday night.

my mom asked me to mop the floor but i didnt!

and i am going back to Puchong tonight.

and because i am done with all the posts in 9gag and there are no other new posts to see

and also because theres nothing good to watch on ASTRO!

because

ASTRO!

kept on showing almost the same thing or same episode or shows from centuries ago~

uh.. yeah. no. it might not have been from centuries ago but the show looks like its filmed before i was born.

not really.

and if you want to watch better shows then you might need to subscribe

WITH PAYMENTS

and the channel you subscribe

WITH PAYMENTS

are going to show you the same show all over and over again!

... i lied.

i have not once subscribed anything from anything (astro, hypptv, whatever) because in the back of my mind, i have this thought that if i were to want to watch a better show and to subscribe anything

WITH PAYMENTS

and the channel or anything that i subscribe

WITH PAYMENTS

are going to show me the same show all over and over again...

but i do subscribe to nigahiga!

and theDOMINICshow just now after a watching a few of his videos for the last 2 or 3 weeks...

and kevjumba...

just now...

after sympathizing with him because he was trying too hard...

sigh~

World Taekwondo Federation am i doing with my life?

...

i guess i just love to listen to people talking sh*t or not talking sh*t or just love to see or hear people sh*tting talking.

last Friday evening while waiting for the office hour to end, i enjoyed myself youtubing Eminem. it has been along time since i didnt listen to him. well he is not talking. he is rapping, of course... but rapping is kind of talking but it is about talking faster than usual with background music.

f*ck you brain.

i am now considering to subscribe to Kandee Johnson just to look at her transforming herself into another person using makeup knowing that it will not benefit me at all!

i subscribed to Rachel & Jun just to listen to them talking and at the same time knowing more about the Japanese culture or whatever but i havent had the chance to watch them anymore because i was too busy watching Jap-Higa from the latest vid to now i am watching the vid posted in 2010...

knowing that it will not benefit me at all...

nyiahahahah!

ha.

ha.

ha~

移り行く町並みに, ため息は零れた sigh~

onestop

source

Unconditionally by Katy Perry

oh no, did i get too close?

oh, did i almost see whats really on the inside?

all your insecurities

all the dirty laundry

never made me blink one time

come just as you are to me

dont need apologies

know that you are unworthy

i ll take your bad days with your good

walk through this storm i would

id do it all because i love you, i love you

so open up your heart and just let it begin

acceptance is the key to be, to be truly free

will you do the same for me?

unconditional, unconditionally

i will love you unconditionally

there is no fear now

let go and just be free

cause i will love you unconditionally

...

and i am here wondering: how?

unconditional

Tanya Sama Itu Hud Hud - What does it Really Mean?

reminder: the entry below comes from the original article is in Bahasa Melayu. i do not really know how to fully translate this article, so i translated it as long as it has the same meaning and is understandable in English. 

i also took some facts from wikipedia: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Conference_of_the_Birds.

...

♪♫ tujuh puluh tiga pintu, tujuh puluh tiga jalan

seventy three doors, seventy three ways 

yang sampai hanya satu jalan

there is only one way which you can reach ♪♫

The Prophet (S.A.W) said: "in later days my people will be disunited like the Jews and Nesrani do in their religion. my people will be disunited to become 73 firqah (or class or sect), 72 groups or firqah or sects will end up in Hell and (only) one will go to Heaven"

then the companions asked: "Who are the ones (who is going to Heaven), oh Rasulallah (S.A.W.)?"

The Prophet (S.A.W) said: "(People who) follow my path (i.e., his Sunnah or as-Sunnah) and the path of my companions which is truthful and is guided by Allah (S.W.T.)

(Sahih Hadith narrated by at-Termidzi etc.)

♪♫ beribu-ribu Margasatua mencari raja si Muraq

thousands of Margasatua looking for king Muraq

yang sampai hanya tiga puluh

the ones that reach (king Muraq) is only thirty ♪♫

Mantiq Al-Tayr (The Conference of the Birds) is the most phenomenal work from Fariduddin Attar. it contains spiritual experience that he had been through looking for meaning and reality of life. Attar pours his experience through a story of a flock of birds' journey so that it would be easier to be understood.

the book is about a flock of birds' journey to look for the bird king called Simorgh (Si Muraq) at the peak of the great Kaf Mountain.

before the journey, birds from all over the world have gathered to have a conference. they have only one purpose that is to look for a king. the hoopoe (hud hud in Bahasa Melayu), the wisest of them all, suggests that they should find the legendary Simorgh, a mythical Persian bird roughly equivalent to the western phoenix.

the hoopoe leads the birds, each of whom represent a human fault which prevents man from attaining enlightenment.

each bird has a special significance, and a corresponding didactic fault. the guiding bird is the hoopoe, while the nightingale symbolizes the lover. the parrot is seeking the fountain of immortality, not God, and the peacock symbolizes the "fallen soul" who is in alliance with Satan.

the birds must cross seven valleys in order to find the Simorgh:

Talab (Yearning), Eshq (Love), Marifat (Gnosis), Istighnah (Detachment), Tawheed (Unity of God), Hayrat (Bewilderment) and, finally, Fuqur and Fana (Selflessness and Oblivion in God); which represent the stations that any individual must pass through to realize the true nature of God.

one by one, they drop out of the journey, each offering an excuse and unable to endure the journey.

when the group of thirty birds finally reach the dwelling place of the Simorgh, all they find is a lake in which they see their own reflection.

this also book relies on a clever word play between the words Simorgh – a mysterious bird in Iranian mythology which is a symbol often found in sufi literature, and similar to the phoenix bird – and "si morgh" – meaning "thirty birds" in Persian.

♪♫ lihat dunia dari mata burung atau dari dalam tempurung

look at the world from a bird's eye or from a shell

yang mana satu engkau pilih

which one do you choose? ♪♫

the two sentences above asks us to choose if we would want to think with an open mind and to look far ahead or we just want to stay under the shell - to just look at the shell and ourselves each and every single day. well in the shell, you would be lucky if you have light. what if you dont? you would be staying in the dark. 

♪♫ dalam kalut ada peraturan. peraturan mencipta kekalutan

in a chaotic situation there are rules, rules create chaotic situation

di mana pula kau berdiri, di sini

where do you stand, here ♪♫

unleashing the history of the Prophet (S.A.W.) taught Islam to the ignorant within the chaotic age, a perfect system emerged. but now the world have changed and the perfect system is no longer in use, and is changed to laws created by human which have many flaws which invites controversy and confusion. so where are we now? standing right here, in this conversational and chaotic world.

♪♫ oh, Sang Algojo

oh, The Executioner

oh, nanti dulu

oh, (can you) wait

berikan ku kesempatan akhir ini

let me have this last chance

untuk menyatakan kalimah/kisah sebenarnya

to say the word/story behind it

berikan aku kesempatan akhir ini

let me have this last chance ♪♫

the executioner is the person assigned to take life. for example in prison, the executioner may be the person pushing the button of the floor under the gallows. in reality, the executioner means the angel of death which the tasks is to take life. when the Executioner comes to take our lifes, there is no way that we can escape from death; and we definitely couldnt say "oh, (can you) wait." when the Executioner comes, we would not have any time to appeal for our sins.

♪♫ tanya sama itu hud-hud; 

ask the hoopoe

lang mensilang, kui mengsikui

a person who doesnt look like a person, a ghost who doesnt look like a ghost

kerna dia yang terbangkan ku ke mari

for it is the one that flew me here ♪♫

sigh~ i dont really know what this stanza really means and there are no source that i can refer to. so, go ask the hoopoe; for it is the one that flew me here.

Tanya Sama Itu Hud Hud by M. Nasir

tujuh puluh tiga pintu, tujuh puluh tiga jalan

seventy three doors, seventy three ways 

yang sampai hanya satu jalan

there is only one way which you can reach

beribu-ribu Margasatua mencari raja si Muraq

thousands of Margasatua looking for king Muraq

yang sampai hanya tiga puluh

the ones that reach (king Muraq) is only thirty

oh, Sang Algojo

oh, The Executioner

oh, nanti dulu

oh, (can you) wait

lihat dunia dari mata burung atau dari dalam tempurung

look at the world from a bird's eye or from a shell

yang mana satu engkau pilih

which one do you choose?

dalam kalut ada peraturan. peraturan mencipta kekalutan

in a chaotic situation there are rules, rules create chaotic situation

di mana pula kau berdiri, di sini

where do you stand, here

oh, Sang Algojo

oh, The Executioner

oh, nanti dulu

oh, (can you) wait

berikan ku kesempatan akhir ini

let me have this last chance

untuk menyatakan kalimah/kisah sebenarnya

to say the word/story behind it

berikan aku kesempatan akhir ini

let me have this last chance

"tanya sama itu hud-hud; 

"ask the hoopoe

lang mensilang, kui mengsikui

a person who doesnt look like a person, a ghost who doesnt look like a ghost

kerna dia yang terbangkan ku ke mari”

for it is the one that flew me here"

Hanabi by Mr. Children

誰もが問題を抱えている, だけど素敵な明日を願っている 

we all have our problems but we hope for a better tomorrow

臆病風に吹かれて 波風が立った世界を どれだけ愛することができるだろう?

i wonder to what extent we can love a world gripped by fear, thrown into unrest?

決して捕まえることの出来ない 花火のような光だとしたって

even if its a light like fireworks that can never be caught

もう一回 僕はこの手を伸ばしたい 

one more time i want to reach out for it

Aesthetic by Sekiyama Aika

trying my life with the sacred gifts you gave to me

i wont vain and succeed it as your precious soul

holding your hand and im walking through the all of the world

carrying your wish like the Venus in the dim sky

I Wanna Change by The Street Beats

breaking free from the shell that holds you

DAN DAN 心魅かれてく by Field of View

愛と勇気と誇りを持って闘うよ.

The Rocky Road to Dublin by The Dubliners

while in the merry month of May, from me home i started

left the girls of Tuam nearly brokenhearted

saluted father dear, kissed me darling mother

drank a pint of beer, me GRIEF and TEARS to SMOTHER

then off to reap the corn and LEAVE WHERE I WAS BORN

cut a stout blackthorn to banish ghosts and goblin' 

brand new pair of brogues to rattle o'er the bogs

and frighten all the dogs on the rocky road to Dublin'

in Mullingar that night, i rested, limbs so weary

started by daylight, my spirits bright and airy

took a drop of the pure to KEEP ME HEART FROM SINKING

thats the paddy's cure when there hes on for drinking

to see the lassies smile laughing all the while

at my curious style, 'twould set your heart a-bubblin'

asked if was i hired, and wages i required

till i was ALMOST TIRED over the rocky road to Dublin'

in Dublin' next arrived, i thought it such a pity

to be so soon deprived a view of that fine city

then i took a stroll all among the quality

bundle it was stolen in that neat locality

something crossed me mind when i looked behind

no bundle could i find upon me stick a wobblin'

CRYING AFTER THE ROGUE, they said me Connaught brogue

it wasn't much in vogue on the rocky road to Dublin'

from there i got away, me spirits NEVER FAILING

landed on the quay, just as the ship was sailing

the captain at me roared, said no room had he

then i jumped aboard a cabin found for paddy

DOWN among the pigs, did some HEARTY RIGS

played some HEARTY JIGS, the water 'round me bubblin'

and when off holyhead, wished myself was dead

or better for instead on the rocky road to dublin'

the boys of Liverpool, when we safely landed

called myself a fool, i could no longer stand it

BLOOD BEGAN TO BOIL, TEMPER I WAS LOSING

poor Old Erin's Isle they began abusing

HOORAY ME SOUL, says i, me Shillelagh i let fly

Galway boys were by and saw i was a HOBBLE in

with a loud hurray, they joined me in the affray

quickly cleared the way on the rocky road to Dublin'

1, 2, 3, 4, 5 hunt the hare and turn her down the rocky road

and all the ways to dublin', whack-follol-de-rah~

花 by Orange Range

だから僕は精一杯生きて花になろう

氷雨 by Teresa Teng

this probably will be my last entry until i am back in Malaysia

飲ませて下さい もう少し 

let me drink a little bit more 

今夜は帰らない 帰りたくない 

tonight i will not go home, i dont want to go home 

誰が待つと言うの あの部屋で 

to speak of someone waiting in that room 

そうよ誰もいないわ 今では 

there is no one like that, not now 

唄わないで下さい その歌は 

please dont sing, not that song 

別れたあの人を 想い出すから 

because it reminds me of that person who has left me 

飲めばやけに 涙もろくなる 

if i drink, i will be reduced to tears 

こんなあたし許して下さい 

please forgive me for being this way 

私を捨てた あの人を 

that person who threw me away 

今更悔んでも 仕方ないけど 

even now, though i regret it, it cant be helped 

未練ごころ消せぬ こんな夜 

the lingering in my heart wont go out, on a night like this 

女ひとり飲む酒 侘しい 

the sake a woman drinks by herself is miserable 

酔ってなんかいないわ 泣いてない 

im not drunk, I havent been crying 

タバコの煙り 目にしみただけなの 

its just the cigarette smoke has gotten in my eyes 

私酔えば 家に帰ります 

when im drunk i will go home 

あなたそんな 心配しないで 

so dont worry yourself like that 

外は冬の雨まだやまぬ 

outside the winter rain still hasn't stopped 

この胸を濡らすように 

its as if this chest of mine is soaked 

傘がないわけじゃないけれど 

but its not because i dont have an umbrella 

帰りたくない 

i dont want to go home 

もっと酔う程に飲んで 

drinking until I get even drunker 

あの人を忘れたいから 

because I want to forget that person 

...

Ken sang this song, remember?

Holding Back The Tears by Dong Bang Shin Ki

i slept at 5am this morning and woke up at 10am.

then i cant sleep anymore.

very early in the morning yesterday, i posted this photo.

i actually watch the drama/film/whatever it is when i was still studying in college. it is about an idol group that were sent off to go for a vacation on their own separately; and that they have found something special during their vacation.

well i didnt really find anything during the last 4 weeks of my vacation.

i am supposed to be in CRIB.

but i am not sure if i find something in the last 2 weeks of my vacation.

i need to go to office again today.

i need to arrange something about my claims for the previous couple of months.

i need to take the winter jacket the designer eager to let me wear it.

i need to compile the itinerary i made printed by the Training Coordinator - yes, i am responsible of arranging our flights and the places that we want to go.

i havent gone to shower.

i am sitting in my room in Putrajaya counting hours that i have in Malaysia before i board the plane.

there is something about this trip that i can never tell anyone.

ever.

...

im holding back the tears
무겁지 않게 나의 마음을 메고 걸어요
가깝진않고 멀지않은 곳에
다른 내가 서있죠

im holding back the tears
i walk trying to lessen the weight of my heart
to a place that is neither close nor far
where a different me stands

Beautiful Thing by Xiah Junsu

well i went to the office to just to see the designer initially.

but i ended up meeting 3 persons. 

and i ended up feel betrayed and helpless. 

not by these 3 persons.

but by another person when i kind of realize the truth behind the kindness and care shown to me.

the ugly truth.

i am owned.

but still,

이 세상 그 어떤 것도 아름답지 않은 건없어 

하루를 난 감사하며, 작은 기도의 손을 모아:

"거짓에 가려진 모든 것을 사랑하게 하소서"

there is nothing in this world that is not beautiful.

i am thankful for each day; so i put my hands together in a small prayer:

"please let me love everything that is HIDDEN IN LIES"

HYDE 2

hyde's 'sound of gratitude' at the end of the video~

ah~ bitch slap me!!!

さくらうた by Mamiko Noto

さくらの花は　いつ開く?

山のお里に　いつ開く?

when will the cherry blossom flowers unfold? 

when will they unfold in the mountain village? 

さくらの花は　いつ匂う?

笑う七の子　遊ぶ頃 

when will the cherry blossom flowers be fragrant? 

when the laughing child of seven plays

さくらの花は　いつ踊る?

歌う七の子　眠る頃 

when will the cherry blossom flowers dance? 

when the singing child of seven sleeps

さくらの花は　いつ朽ちる?

死んだ七の子　昇る頃 

when will the cherry blossom flowers decay? 

when the dead child of seven rises 

Ugly by 2NE1

theyre singing telling people that they are ugly. do you think they are ugly? 

i dont. 

so lets remove their make up. 

do you think they are ugly now?

i dont. 

they arent beautiful.

BUT, they arent ugly.

they are fine just the way they are.

well, maybe a little make up should do some tricks.

...

i used to think that i am ugly.

but after i graduated college, i feel like i am fine just the way i am, without make up.

then i got a job.

having male colleagues to randomly and playfully give me a flying kiss is usual.

for the past months i am wearing very light make up, there are guys who tell me that i am cute.

some wanted to bring me to meet their parents.

some even look at me while driving and had an accident.

some said i have beautiful mouth that he wants to bit them;

and that i am lying by telling them that i dont have a boyfriend

and they thought that it is impossible for me not having a boyfriend because i am cute.

some said they want to have me as the free gift during an event at KLCC recently.

i am "jokingly" harassed during my 5 days of shitty Train The Trainer course

because i am the only female there.

*inhale*

*exhale*

aliens kidnapped me and turned me to who i am now.

maybe.

or i havent hit puberty until i am 22.

but for me now, i feel fine just the way i am;

with or without make up.

by the way, have i ever told you MY definition of beautiful?

yes, yes i did. 

Thank You by Home Made 家族

黄昏の町が赤く染まる頃 何気無く道を歩いていた

as twilight dyed the city crimson i kept walking down the road

行交う人の群れが増す午後 何となく立ち止まって見た

in the midst of the afternoon passers-by somehow i just stopped and watched

ポツリと空いた心の隙間 埋めるように動いた携帯の manner

as if to fill up the gap little by little opening up in my heart, my cell phone started moving in such manner

君は一人じゃない ほら 皆互いに支え合ってゆくのさ

you are not alone; see? people are going to support each other

不安定な未来が怖くて 悩んでいた僕にへ向かって

i was afraid of the uncertain future i was troubled and you came towards me

何も言わずにそっと手を差し伸べてくれる君が居た

without saying anything, you were there and gently reach out to me

悲しみが半分に成った 喜びは二倍に膨らんだ

my sorrow is halved, my happiness is doubled

逆の立場に成ったらすぐさま 側まで駆けつけると誓った

if our positions ever reversed, i swear i will rush to your side anytime

far away far away 遠く離れていても 流れる時の中で

far away far away even if we were separated far away by the flowing time

共に過ごした日々の記憶は 決して消えることはないのさ

the memories from the days we spent together will never fade away

仲間や家族や恋人 そして出会った総べての人々

friends and family and lover; and everyone that i have ever met

「ありがとう！」皆のおかげで また明日から力強く踏み出せる

「thank you!」it's thanks to all of you that i vigorously push forward from tomorrow

人は誰も一人では生きて行けやしない

no one can go on to live by their own

互いが互いを何時もケアし合い

peers always mutually support each other

理解できない時は話し合い

we talk it out when we don't have an understanding

腹抱えるぐらい 笑い合いたい

i want to laugh together with you till my belly burst 

なのになぜ こう時に貶し合い

even so, why do we sometimes speak ill of one another

傷つけ合うのって気がしない？

when we don't even really intend to hurt each other on purpose

馬鹿馬鹿しいほど君が好きだ

i like you so much it's ridiculous

照れ臭いけどちょっと本気だ

it's embarrassing but i mean it a little

きっとみんな意外とシャイでも向かって なかなか口に出して言えなくて

in fact people are unexpectedly shy when they look others in the face they talk a lot but don't really "say" anything

だけど本当は言いたいくせに 何かが邪魔してみんな強がって

but the fact is when they want to say it, something always gets in the way and they pretend it's okay and act tough

時にはさらけ出して伝えよう

at times, bare your heart and come clean

言葉には不思議な力が宿るよ

there are miraculous force dwells in words

簡単なことさじ分からまず始めよ; うきっとできるよ

it's so easy, start from within; you can definitely do it

振り向けば i will be there just forever

whenever you turn around i will be there just forever

君が行ってくれたように

just like when you were there for me

何時も支えて呉れる人達に日頃の思いを込めたrhapsody

i wrapped up my everyday feelings for those who have always been there for me in this rhapsody

appreciation の気持を届け

let it deliver my feelings of appreciation

何時もありがとう、本当ありがとう

thank you, always; thank you, really

仮令どこに立って君の存在に感謝してるよ

wherever you are, i thank you for your existence

叙情詩 by L'Arc~en~Ciel

季節は色を変えて幾度巡ろうとも

no matter how many times the seasons change colors

この気持ちは枯れない 花のように揺らめいて

this feeling will not die; like a flickering flower

君を想う

i am thinking of you

奏で合う言葉は心地良い旋律君が傍に居るだけでいい

our words weave a cozy melody all i need is you by my side

微笑んだ瞳を失さない為なら

as long as your smiling eyes remain

たとえ星の瞬きが見えない夜も

even on the nights when i can't see the twinkling stars

降り注ぐ木漏れ日のように君を包む

id wrap around you like the sunlight dalling through the trees

それは僕の強く, 変わらぬ誓い

that is my strong, unchanging vows

夢なら夢のままでかまわない

it doesnt matter if dream remains as a dream 

愛する輝きに溢れ明日へ向かう

love will fully shine, face tomorrow 

喜びは 真実だから

i believe in happiness

the love to you is alive in me every day 

for love you are a side of me every day

残されて悲しい記憶さえそっと君はやわらげてくれるよ

you gently ease the sorrowful memories remaining in me

はしゃぐように懐いた柔らかな風に吹かれて

swinging in the soft wind cheering with delight

なびく鮮やかな君が僕を奪う

you, who were fluttering brightly, took me away

季節は色を変えて幾度巡ろうとも

no matter how many times the seasons change colors

この気持ちは枯れない 花のように

this feeling will not die; like a flickering flower

夢なら夢のままでかまわない

it doesnt matter if dream remains as a dream

愛する輝きに溢れ 胸を染める

love will fully shine, it colours my heart

いつまでも君を想い

i will think of you always

the love to you is alive in me every day 

for love you are a side of me every day

...

sweet Hyde's voice mixed with the sound of rain

Carry On by Fun

well I woke up to the sound of silence 

and cries were cutting like knives in a fist fight 

and I found you with a bottle of wine

your head in the curtains

and heart like the fourth of july

you swore and said 

"we are not, 

we are not shining stars"

this i know, i never said we are

though i've never been through hell like that 

i've closed enough windows to know 

you can never look back

so i met up with some friends 

at the edge of the night

at a bar off 75

and we talked and talked 

about how our parents will die

all our neighbours and wives

but I like to think i can cheat it all 

to make up for the times i've been cheated on 

and it's nice to know when i was left for dead 

i was found and now 

i don't roam these streets

i am not the ghost you are to me

my head is on fire but my legs are fine

after all they are mine

lay your clothes down on the floor

close the door, hold the phone

show me how no one’s ever 

gonna stop us tonight

cause here we are

we are shining stars

we are invincible

we are who we are 

on our darkest day 

when we’re miles away 

sun will come 

we will find our way home 

if you're lost and alone

or you're sinking like a stone 

carry on 

may your past be the sound 

of your feet upon the ground 

carry on